Let's just get right down to it, shall we? Here is our problem: We are unchanging, pure, radiant beings who unfortunately identify ourselves with our always changing mental and physical realities. This misidentification is the source of all suffering. Our goal is to realize our true nature and become established in our authentic selves. This seems reasonable enough. As soon as I really think about it, though, I get stuck.

I like the idea of releasing all the negative ideas I have about myself: I am not this jealousy I feel towards my good friend who can play any instrument beautifully. I am not this big zit on my forehead, nor am I that pulled adductor muscle in my thigh that prevents me from getting anywhere near the floor in Upavistha Konasana. Sweet. I didn't want to be any of those things anyway.

But what about the stuff I really identify with? I am not the mother of a beautiful 7 year old girl? What about the person I have known for the last 31 years...that blonde woman who collects books she may never read, who loves big earrings and bracelets that jingle, and listens to sweet reggae music? This I am not me business is crazy. If I am not who I thought I was this whole time, then just who am I?

An unending source of awareness. Oh yes. I keep forgetting. And that is why we are here.

Last weekend's 3 day workshop with Gary Kraftsow, founder and director of the American Viniyoga Institute and the first American to be certified by T.K.V. Desikachar, was what I would call an "awareness immersion." Through the simultaneous practice of asana, pranayama, mantra and visualization, we "directed our awareness through intention via attention" (Kraftsow). I can't tell you the last time I concentrated so hard on so many levels...childbirth, maybe? This kind of sarvanga sadhana (a practice for the whole body, not just individual parts) results in a level of awareness I have never felt after 108 vinyasas!



Kraftsow says, "Through the application of intelligent intention you can direct change in a positive direction." This Yoga Philosophy course at CIIS is supplying me with that intelligence, the intention I have, and the application...well, it's called practice for a reason. Satchitananda, here I come!
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