Baby Steps
My boyfriend is not a yogi. He thinks yoga is “girly,” new-agey, and all about flexibility. “I don’t bend that way,” is his mantra nearly every time I try to gently encourage him to try a pose. He just doesn’t get it.
In fact, he is so uncomfortable with the idea of yoga, that he won’t even be my guinea pig for practice teaching. “Maybe when you’re certified,” he says. (SO rude!)
But when I told him I could show him a “trick” to get him to sleep better at night, he reluctantly agreed. He had been struggling with insomnia for a while and was looking for a drug-free solution. I put him into the most soothing pose I could think of, Viparita Karini (Legs-Up-the-Wall) on a bolster.
He grumbled about how uncomfortable he was, moaned that all his blood was rushing to his stomach, and mimicked me with a few tongue-in-cheek Oms. Eventually, he settled into the pose.
Even though he won’t admit it, it must’ve helped him sleep that night. Now, he asks me to help him “do yoga” when he can’t sleep. (He still refuses to try any other pose, which is a great exercise in patience for me.) All of this has given me some first-hand insight into just how difficult it can be to teach someone to relax.
This week, restorative yoga teacher Jennifer Morrice told us about a similar experience she had once. A lady who came to her public class was almost as disagreeable as my boyfriend. “Why do we need all this stuff?” she’d whine for weeks until she grew to trust Jennifer.
Jennifer’s advice for working with students who are uneasy is simple: start small. If you can tell they wouldn’t feel comfortable lying over a bolster in a chest-opening pose, put them on a folded blanket, she said. They’ll get the same opening, and you can add blankets as they get more comfortable.
This is a good theory for teaching beginners anything, whether it’s Plank Pose or the ABCs. It’s easy for us, as we progress in our practice and learn to become teachers, to forget how we felt the first weeks we were trying yoga. I, for one, was skeptical, cocky, and resistant all at the same time—which is something I hope to remember if I work with beginners.
My boyfriend, as stubborn and determined as he is, has been a wonderful reminder that you can’t force someone to learn something and that if you introduce too much, too soon, you can easily turn a new student away. I suspect that it’s the students that offer the most resistance who really need yoga the most. And as a teacher, if I can’t figure out a way to ease them into it comfortably, I’ve failed them. Luckily, I’ll have more practice as the boyfriend experiment continues. Next step: Supta Baddha Konasana.
Comments
Hi Erica,
very nice post. It inspires me to give you a little insight� into yoga-male philosophy. You are free to edit my post because English is not my first language. So be free to correct my sentences according to English grammar.
Two years ago, I was exactly the same as you boyfriend. I looked at yoga as a women's ass-shaping-tool. At that time my girlfriend did a lot of yoga practice. I am fit, strong with let say above average man's flexibility and for me the yoga poses were laughing matter, somehow not-so-natural, I mean hey, forward bends from the hip?
All started two years ago when I lost a bet with my girlfriend so I had to do Ardha Chandrasana (Half Moon Pose). At first hand it looked so easy. I put the hand down I raised the leg but I could not keep the balance while looking toward ceiling. And I was angry. So next day I started secret practice of yoga. I bought 10 books (even Anatomy of Hatha Yoga). While practicing yoga very secretly - early in the morning I got more and more frustrations about postures. Instead to get ahead and do everything what my girlfriend is able to do I got stuck.
So I decided to go to yoga studio. There was one besides my work place with the Ashtanga Primary series class at 7 AM. I thought: "excellent, primary series is exactly what I need." At that time, I had no clue what Asthanga yoga is all about and what the primary series really is. I must also add that in my mind never ever was any consideration that I am beginner in yoga. So I thought primary series must be just what I need. So I went to the class that I will never forget.
There were about fifteen nice looking girls there and in my new (2 numbers smaller) jersey I parked my self in the last row wondering why did I not come earlier, the girl in front of me was gorgeous. And then it started, first with some strange song then Sun salutation A then B, five repetition each, strenuous but ok I handled that Then the class continued with strange names of the poses. I looked at the girl in the front of me and I did not mind that I do not understand names of the poses. I lot of things was strange for me but I recognized postures and I did (as best I could),standing forwards bends, trikonosanas, side angles, wariors etc. I was a bit tired and when we set on the floor I thought it is excellent, just to relax now. But this teacher did not give us any time, every sitting forward bends was interrupted with vinayasa (which back then I did not what vinayasa means) one leg - vinayasa, another leg vinayasa, and so on. After two postures I start thinking: "what is wrong with this teacher, she likes so much this vinayasas".
I continued giving my best doing all what I can do, even jumping idoing vinayasa. Somewhere in the middle of it I promised myself that I will never come again to this teacher: "she is absolutely crazy, vinayasa-maniac." At the last thirdly minutes of the class I was so tired, sweaty and I could not breathe. I moved slowly and I stopped looking the girl in front of me. In simple words, I was fighting to survive. Somebody said: whatever did not kill you makes you stronger, but that was not my case. Seven days after that class I could not move�
After a month I went to the same studio but in the "advanced beginner" class. Hey I can not be just a beginner :)
Alberto
Posted by: Alberto | July 21, 2006 08:05 PM
Hello Erica!
First let me say I love this blog! I am also training to become a teacher and find it so reassuring to think I am not alone.
My boyfriend often thinks the way your boyfriend does about our passion, yoga. He always has neck, back and shoulder pain but he's very sure yoga can't help him. I find it so frustrating to deal with this view. All I'm asking is for him to try yoga, what's he got to loose? It's funny, though, sometimes I'll suggest poses and he'll do them and say they worked or were helpful, as long as I don't say it's a yoga pose and especially if I make sure not to use it's Sanskrit name. Ha ha. Boys are so silly.
One thing I learned in my training which I found fascinating is that originally women were not allowed to practice yoga. It wasn't until 1937 Krishnamacharia first admitted Indra Devi into his school of yoga.
So now, almost 70 years, it seems that yoga is over run with girls.
I'm not sure why, but yoga has got a wimpy reputation. Anyone who's ever tried it knows it's hard work.
I wish you luck in spreading the yogic gospel. Keep it up!
Much respect, Nicole
Posted by: Nicole | July 29, 2006 01:16 AM
Erica, thanks for giving me information on the article baby steps. I have a boyfriend who thinks that yoga is for women. I have tried to tell him that men do yoga, but he does not believe me. Im glad that im not the only one that has a boyfriend who thinks that yoga is not for men. I will keep this article in mind if I talk about yoga to my boyfreind. Thanks.
Posted by: Michelle Calhoun | August 24, 2006 06:54 PM
I have got to say the same thing about my boyfriend and his views of yoga. I am so glad I'm not alone and I even read these comments to him and he laughed because he knew it was all true. When I first started getting serious about yoga he asked me if it was some kind of religion or something just because he saw how devoted I was to it. Now, at least 7 years later, he has sort of gotten over that part but still won't practice with me. I am now too going through a yoga teacher training program and have had to research more about why we do yoga and what it is and so on. This really helps me put into perspective that it does take patience and time for some people to accept things. This is who they are and we can't change that. We have to accept things as they are now. Thank you so much for sharing your experiences!
Posted by: Michelle | September 2, 2006 08:06 PM