I Saw Dead People... Seriously
If I decide to finally become a hard-core vegetarian it won't be because I'm trying to practice the principles of ahimsa, the non-harming yama. It will be because the chicken I have yet to cut from my diet looks like the human flesh I saw this week at a cadaver workshop I attended for extra credit for my teacher training course.
We went to learn about anatomy, to see first-hand what we've been studying for the past couple of weeks. I admit, I wasn't able to process one bit of anatomy. Remaining upright was challenging enough, without trying to remember the names of muscles that were being pointed out.
I was affected more deeply during the excursion than I thought I would be. If you've read my earlier blog, you know I'm not really into looking at organs, muscles, and bones. I knew I'd be uncomfortable and a little freaked out by what I saw, but I didn't think I'd come so close to passing out that I'd have to leave the room. Surprise, surprise!: I was wrong again.
Amazingly, I wasn't even too disgusted by the dissected bodies. The faces were covered and most of the skin had been peeled away; the bodies didn't even seem human. There were few traces of the people who had once occupied them—a painted fingernail, a sign at the foot of the cot telling the person's age when he or she died. For the most part, they were empty shells.
I don't even think it was the smell of formaldehyde that caused me to swoon and feel a dark curtain closing in front of my eyes. I'm not sure what it was, but I suspect that my body reacted to an emotion my mind couldn't even grasp. Two days after the fact, I'm still trying to wrap my mind around the intensity of the experience.
The night before, we had a class on the Bhagavad Gita one of the ancient texts upon which yoga was founded. One thing that sticks out most on my mind is the concept of Dharma, that we each have a job a do while we're on Earth. Darren explained it like this: We are who we are and nothing we do can change that. But if we follow the yamas and niyamas (i.e. non-harming, non-stealing, etc.) it will help us to be conscious of who we are. Well, that doesn't make me feel much better about death, but it certainly makes me feel better about life.
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Comments
I've been a vegetarian longer than I've been practicing yoga. My husband, a paramedic/firefighter is not a vegetarian. He did say, though, that when he took gross anatomy (the dreaded cadaver class) that it all just looked like steak to him! It's odd how we all deal with death. My husband sees it often in his job. And he isn't much affected by it. It's like you said, it's difficult to "try to get your head around it."
Posted by: Candice | April 5, 2006 03:57 AM
My family runs a funeral home and I grew up around death. The concept of death was real to me, but never really hit me until my dad died 5 years ago. I am a christian and believe that death is not the end, but only the beginning to a wonderful eternity, but the actual event of dying scares me. Anyway, I really hope that you become the kind of teacher that you want to be. I have a favorite teacher at my local Y and she is just awesome. God Bless you in your journey.
Posted by: Gail | April 5, 2006 01:59 PM
Hey Erica! It's Jennifer, from Santosha in Westminster. Imagine my surprise when I saw your pic on the YJ mail I got today...I looked at you and said, "hey, I KNOW her!" I am so excited that you're doing a teacher training to become a yoga teacher. You will be an amazing teacher. All the nervousness and trepidation you feel now will leave you once you begin to teach. Enjoy the journey and drop a line when you can. If you're ever back here, you have a place to teach at Santosha.
Posted by: Jennifer | April 6, 2006 02:21 AM
Hi Erica,
I just found this today, and was so thrilled! I am in the middle of teacher training in North Carolina, and boy, can I relate to what you are saying! Thank you so much for taking the time to share this. What a wonderful gift for those of us going through training and anyone who is considering it.
Namaste,
wendy
Posted by: wendy | April 6, 2006 09:59 PM
As a massage therapist, yoga lover, and body awareness instructor, I deeply appreciate your candor and sharing of the 'Aha!' moments. Yes, become the teacher you would love to have. It is a joy to behold the transformation you unfold for the reader.
My sweetness, BiL, had a similar experience to yours ... he is the vegetarian in our relationship. I lean in that direction, still loving my occasional seafood, but it is an awareness of the impact of the fishing industry on our oceans that is beginning to speak to me when I get a craving for shrimp or fish. The conscience is an individual thing, and I sense you honoring the beauty of each self-revelation, inward and out. Peace, sister!
Posted by: Roxanna | April 12, 2006 05:19 PM
Hi! I've been mostly vegetarian for most of my life, but only turned vegan last year. The final decision had much more to do with ahimsa than with the fact that I'm into my 4th year of studying Medicine.
I recall my first cadaver classes as quite disgusting, but much more because of the unbearable smell than for the look of flesh itself. The first time I attended an operation was quite an awkward experience: I thought I was going to pass out any minute!
Eventually, I've overcome all that. It really is important to, at least once, see what bodies are really made of and how they look like. Books are undoubtedly helpful, but the real thing is always much better.
Btw, let me tell you I enjoy reading your blog very much. Keep up with the good writing! Good luck.
Posted by: Sergio | April 22, 2006 10:25 AM