Finding Center
For the first time in a few weeks, I'm feeling good about yoga. I finally met with Jason again, and we did some new poses, which was fantastic. I love balance poses. I'm not that good at them, but there's something about them that makes me really conscious of the kinks and twists in my body. In principle, I know I should be able to hold these poses. And when I can't, I know it's because I leaned too far forward or too far backward, or because my alignment is not quite right. So I strive for perfect balance in the pose, which is tremendously centering.
I'm hoping this newfound sense of calm stays with me. This whole process is a search for me. And it's having a profound impact on me. I had a long conversation with some friends the other day about my yoga funk, and I realized that it's actually more of an overall funk. I know what it's about. I've always been a person who (I thought) had a pretty clear sense of myself and how people perceived me. But that is leaving me in part because my sense of myself isn't as clear. I became a part of this project because I wanted to address some fundamental components of my life that were unhealthy and unsustainable. I'm too frenetic and too impatient. I can't sit still, and I have trouble with the concept of enough. Yoga is impacting those traits, but it's not conflict free. I can't help but subconsciously resist the transformation out of fear that I'll come out on the other side having not just altered those things that I want to change, but having lost traits that make me who I am.
But for now, I'm not going to think about it. I'm going to stop typing and attempt Tree Pose instead.
Comments
Yes, I so understand what you are saying!! I too am doing the same as you. I started on January 2nd,and as far as I can tell,we're pretty much dealing with the "Balance Thing",ie; poses life etc! You are fortunate to have found this at a young age! Namo Nancy
Posted by: Nancy LeBlanc | April 1, 2007 10:52 AM
I admire your courage - I think many times the biggest challenge in yoga is to face the emotions that well up when doing all of the breathing, particularly if a person has used food to disconnect from his/her emotions in the past. That is a protective mechanism, and yoga re-connects one to that which we are trying to separate ourselves from. At the same time, though, it offers a gentler, healthier way to process the emotion, rather than just shove it out of sight. And you persisted, pushed through, and appear to have come out on the other, more positive side. Plus, you have the bonus of referring back to this experience if you ever fall back into a funk again. Congrats!
Posted by: Alex | April 2, 2007 02:29 PM
Funny you should mention tree pose and balance. I am a young professional like yourself who is trying to lose weight, but more importantly develop a healthy lifestyle. I started doing yoga consistantly four months ago and have had some very positive changes. In my yoga class last night we did tree pose near the end and I felt very centered and realized what a benefit yoga has been to my life. Try not to be too afraid of your classes. I have become friends with my instructor and others in the class and getting to know them makes it much less intimidating. Doing yoga with people you know, even if only in the confines of your class makes it an even more rewarding experience. Good luck and good journey.
Posted by: Amber | April 3, 2007 09:46 PM
Try orthotics in your shoes. You may pronate or do the opposite. It takes very strong ankles or great support to know what is your focus and what is your physicality. Trust me ... I struggle and every one is amazed that I can balance at all. Yoga made the difference. Namaste.
Posted by: helen | April 4, 2007 07:25 AM