For the first time in a few weeks, I'm feeling good about yoga. I finally met with Jason again, and we did some new poses, which was fantastic. I love balance poses. I'm not that good at them, but there's something about them that makes me really conscious of the kinks and twists in my body. In principle, I know I should be able to hold these poses. And when I can't, I know it's because I leaned too far forward or too far backward, or because my alignment is not quite right. So I strive for perfect balance in the pose, which is tremendously centering.
I'm hoping this newfound sense of calm stays with me. This whole process is a search for me. And it's having a profound impact on me. I had a long conversation with some friends the other day about my yoga funk, and I realized that it's actually more of an overall funk. I know what it's about. I've always been a person who (I thought) had a pretty clear sense of myself and how people perceived me. But that is leaving me in part because my sense of myself isn't as clear. I became a part of this project because I wanted to address some fundamental components of my life that were unhealthy and unsustainable. I'm too frenetic and too impatient. I can't sit still, and I have trouble with the concept of enough. Yoga is impacting those traits, but it's not conflict free. I can't help but subconsciously resist the transformation out of fear that I'll come out on the other side having not just altered those things that I want to change, but having lost traits that make me who I am.
But for now, I'm not going to think about it. I'm going to stop typing and attempt Tree Pose instead.