Letting Ego Go
It's hard to believe I've been at this for almost a month. Each week presents different challenges, and this week's was a doozy. I let my impatience get the better of me and decided to supplement my home practice with a yoga video. I don't recommend that for a beginner.
While the video itself wasn't bad, it went so quickly and was filled with so many poses that I just couldn't do. I quickly became overwhelmed and frustrated. When it was over, all I could focus on was the tightness in my calves, the weakness in my core, and my wobbly balance. All this just as I was starting to feel confident. My video lesson brought sharply into focus the fact that at the end of six months, I'll still be a beginner.
It was a humbling thought, and it reinforced the need for me to view this experience, and yoga more generally, not as a goal but as an end in itself. I read somewhere that one component of yoga is to let go of the ego. I think that's good advice. It's the ego that drives us (or at least me) to be so goal oriented. I'm cursed (or blessed, depending on your perspective) with a strong desire to be good at things. When it's something I can't be good at quickly, I lose my focus. I don't quit, but I stop trying hard. That's a mindset I need to overcome. I need to try hard not because I want to get better, but because of the value inherent in the trying.
On the positive side, the home practice (minus the video) keeps getting better. Each time I practice, I can hold the poses just a tiny bit longer. More importantly, each time I practice I can hear what my body's telling me more clearly. The small adjustments that Jason makes during our weekly meetings seem less mysterious. I find myself adjusting my body on my own, and sometimes sinking deeper into the pose in ways that I didn't do a few weeks ago. That is my progress. Incremental but tangible.
Comments
Thanks Leah, (The video episode was really funny!) it's very encouraging to people like me that you're showing the step by step stages of learning yoga as slow as they may feel, while you're holding down a job and living a life etc. Though I've met some great teachers (& bought some great DVDs!) I can't help thinking all "those" people were born strong, balanced & flexible & never had any problems anywhere. You are not so intimidating & I will (belated NY resolution!)re-start practice along with you! (have made doctor's appt... will start practicing with chair...)
Posted by: Vid | January 27, 2007 08:44 AM
That is great that you can see those improvements from day to day in your home practice. That is what I loved about yoga when I was just starting out. I could see results in how long I could hold a posture and notice my breathing wasn't as labored as it was only a few weeks before. I went from a size 10 to a size 4 in 4 years of steady practice. My first year was on my own and then I joined a local yoga school and learned so much more. Now I'm also teaching yoga for weightloss, so you are inspiring to me and I'm sure to many.
My friend had the same experience with a yoga video, so I don't think you are alone there. She is also motivated by my results to take classes and learn all she can to help her lose weight. Good luck in your yoga adventure. You will certainly benefit and enjoy getting to know the new you.
Namaste, Lucy
Posted by: Lucy Beebe | January 28, 2007 05:28 PM
good for you leah
remember you just keep getting better
Posted by: pat castella | January 28, 2007 07:30 PM
Yoga is a journey, not a destination. Enjoy the trip, wobbliness and all.
Posted by: Lee | January 29, 2007 03:41 PM
Good for you!
I found yoga about 3 years ago, and it has helped me tremendously in making health transformations.
Those small changes will add up sooo quickly! Just keep at it.
Also, i'm still finding new ways to do the same poses I've been learning for 3 years. so much depth!
Posted by: Kristy M | January 29, 2007 09:12 PM
I'm in the same boat you are Leah. I just started yoga about a month ago and I LOVE it! I had the opposite experience you did...I had been doing a yoga dvd at home and I thought it was a peice of cake. When I got to my studio class, it was SO MUCH harder than the dvd because I didn't have the instructor feedback to correct my posture at home and I had been in poor alignment the entire time!
Keep it up and good luck!
Posted by: Elissa B | January 30, 2007 08:36 PM
Leah, You are doing a wonderful job and I'm enjoying following your progress.
On the Yoga video subject, have you tried www.Yogatoday.com? They advertise in Yoga Journal. There are 3 different instructors (Sarah, Adi and Neesha) that film a one-hour all level class every day of the year in Jackson, Wyoming. Right now they film in a beautiful studio, but in nice weather they film outside with the Grand Tetons in the background!
They modify everything and fully explain everything they do. I've been supplimenting my regular practice with this at home and highly recommend them. Oh, and did I mention that it's free?
Good luck and I look forward to seeing your progress!
Shelley
Posted by: Shelley | January 31, 2007 11:53 PM
Leah, you are inspiring me big time. I've been a self-taught practicioner on and off. I have had the same problems with video yoga, they do go too fast, and don't give you the chance to get into the poses and really get the most out of them. I used to watch the video, hit pause, get into the pose and stay there until I was ready to move on, but it just ruined the flow of my practice. To say you are motivating me to look for a teacher is an understatement!
Posted by: Gina | February 2, 2007 04:07 PM