Photo: On the subway in Brooklyn, New York with a 6-week-old Lucien.
As I posted the other day, practicing yoga was the furthest thing from my mind when I brought my son Lucien home from the hospital.
By six weeks post-partum, though, I really started missing asana. The doctor who’d performed my c-section gave me the OK to exercise, so I gathered up my energy and my son’s overstuffed diaper bag and ventured out to our first mommy and baby yoga class. This was something I’d dreamt about for years. How fun to teach my baby yoga!
Too bad Lucien didn’t see it that way. He cried from the moment we entered the yoga center until we left an hour later. He pooped twice in the first 45 minutes–I spent half the class in the tiny Brooklyn-sized bathroom changing him–and the rest of the time he wailed while I tried to put him down on the mat long enough for me to get in a couple of poses. I ended up leaving the class in tears and feeling like a complete failure.
All the other moms and babies seemed to handle the class fine. What was wrong with me? With us? I felt isolated. I felt like a freak. (And honestly, with twenty-five pounds to lose, I felt fat.) Would I ever practice again? Would I ever feel like myself? Would I ever get my favorite jeans back on?
Have you tried Mommy and Baby classes? How do you make it to your mat?
Jessica Berger Gross is the author of enLIGHTened: How I Lost 40 Pounds with a Yoga Mat, Fresh Pineapples, and a Beagle Pointer (Skyhorse).
Jessica Berger Gross
Jennifer,
You did not, absolutely not, flunk at anything. Sometimes, even when we have been practising yoga for a while, we just ask too much. Maybe yoga should not be about mommy and baby. But simply just about mummy to keep a space for herself. I have raised 3 kids, one with mental disabilities, I felt like I have flunked over and over, felt and still sometimes feel like a failure, but I know for sure that some things (like sex!) are intimate and should not include your child. Walking to the park, cycling, trekking, camping, playing tennis, going to the beach can be shared. But your child is separate from you since the day he was born, he will continue to grow apart from you. And you know, it is the greatest experience to watch them grow, get taller than you, brighter than you, looking out for dreams, crying over a failed exam and when they look at you, they’re still your baby. To get there and enjoy it purely, you prepare yourself over a long time… as soon as they are born. Namame!
Never reply to these but felt compelled. I teach a Mom & Baby class and it is so challenging, at first I thought it was as far from yoga as you could go, so little time to stop and breath or fit in enough postures to make you feel like you’ve done anything. Now I have a different point of view. It’s the most yoga thing you will ever do to be able to go with the flow, to surrender and accept that your baby now rules! Some classes, a woman might sit and feed for the whole class and I feel I can’t take her money, other days it goes swimmingly and everyone gets a lovely stretch, a little bit for the baby and savasana too. As long as you’re relaxed enough to be yourself in the class, I’d go and try again, see if Lucien feels different next time. It can also be a lovely opportunity to talk to other new Moms, most of them are mostly worried about their post-natal curves too. It’s a lesson in letting go of your ideas of what a yoga class should be and a precious space to be and breathe with your baby. Good luck! x
I used to dispair at ever doing yoga again as well every time my little ones interrupted my personal asana practice, screamed during Mom & Me class, or made me so exhausted all I could do was sleep when trying to meditate. It will get better, promise. Just know that he gets to call the shots for a while. When he does feel like doing some baby yoga enjoy those precious moments – most often I did it with my little ones right after their bath. He’ll be eating you out of house and home soon so hold him close and treasure your darling babe.
we flunked, too!!
congratulations on your new blog, it looks great! look forward to reading more.
x, j
Oh, honey, you’re going to “flunk” so many things as a mom, it makes no sense to even keep track! Roll out your mat at home, put the baby in the middle, and pop into downward-facing dog over him. If you can make into plank and back to dog, you’ve “passed” with flying colors! They’re in charge, and all we can do is stand back, feel inadequate, and change some diapers. It’ll get better, I promise, but it’ll get worse, too! ;)
I couldn’t have said it any better than Jackie Kersh. I actually trained to teach baby yoga (not Mom & Baby, just baby) when I had a 7-month-old. The experience of learning how to guide others to be present, let go of expectations and go with the flow was just what I needed, since I had been fighting my own infant and his challenging ways. It’s hard to accept our beautiful babies and love them unconditionally when they don’t live up to our expectations. That is when it’s essential that we step back and just embrace the moment. They’re not out to get us – they’re just figuring out what they want from the world. And come to think of it, motherhood does the same for us.
Stay strong Jessica! You’re doing a great job!
My first Mommy and Me yoga class ended with me in tears too!
I finally got the hang of doing a few poses at home: it had to be when my baby was in that magical state known as “quiet alert”. She had to be relatively happy, not hungry and not tired. Since I could never predict when those magical moments would come, I had to grab them whenever I could and not try to force her into a class schedule.
(Love the new blog!)
Hi there, No there is nothing wrong with you. Traditionally, the age for starting yoga is 12 (puberty). The baby yoga classes are really intended for moms and not for babies. In the same way, children yoga classes are more about plays. What I mean to say, you are not missing anything. You can try yoga DVDs at home to get back into shape instead or why dont you start having walks with your baby in the neighbourhood?
There does not seem to be a clear separations between classes and practice. I know so many people that go to a class to practice yoga. A class gives you guidance so that you can develop your own practice that should probably happen at home everyday even if it is only ten minutes long.
We had exactly the same experience the first time we went to mummy/baby yoga! My daughter screamed her lungs and emptied her bowels throughout the class. But i was so impressed with myself for actually getting us to the class in the first place that I didn’t mind so much that I spent $12 to soothe her and change nappies! I’ve gotta say that my expectations were pretty low!
The teacher said it was all to do with the different atmosphere of the class. Maybe it was just a case of adjusting, but every yoga class we went to after that was better than the first!
Sorry to hear you ended up in tears…that’s no good. The whole point of mums and bubs classes, IMHO, is that they are relaxed and go with whatever flow your baby wants at that time. And allow for a good mummy natter afterwards (again, baby allowing).
My son was the same way. But we kept going and he chilled out. There were weeks when other babies wailed and we were the chill mama/baby team in the room. Be compassionate with yourself. At 6 weeks postpartum, it’s great that you’re even getting out of the house. Half the fun a mommy & me yoga was being surrounded by a room of like-minded new mommys; relating to one another and sharing tips.
After giving birth, at first my practice was a few poses when my son was content or taking a nap. Then a short practice upstairs or sneaking out to a class while my husband or mother watched my son. Don’t forget yoga can be sitting in lotus or taking a few ujjayi breaths.
Hello Jennifer:
Wow, your blog post, “We Flunked Mommy-Baby Yoga” really brings back memories. I also started carting my son, Luca, to mommy and me yoga classes six weeks after a C-Section. Like you, my practice is established and devout. Even after six weeks, I was eager to return to the mat. Mommy and me classes seemed like a no brainer. Luca, on the other hand, usually needed a breast, a change, a tickle, a scream, but only once or twice, a nap so mom could focus on yoga. It was, noticably, the same challenge for every mommy present. Honestly, very little asana, some chanting (the kids responded well), and no meditation happened in these classes. I tried several teachers in several studios with the same result. In addition, when Luca was about five months, we tried a program designed to teach yoga to babies. My son screamed and fussed almost the entire class each week for the full two month session. Actual fire would not have burned the money for this program faster. Even on the rare days when my son was napping or content during our mommy-baby yoga excursions, the practice still felt off. Turns out, It is extroidinarily difficult to focus within and mind the baby simultaneously. In the end, I made it to the mat by relying on my support network to help carve baby-free time. This strategy worked beautifully. My husband helped me get 3 – 4 full practice sessions (1 1/2 – 2 hour each) in per week. By the time Luca was one year old, his mom was usually relaxed, regularly rejuvenated, ready to focus on him, and able to rock a bikini. Good luck with it. It is readily apparant that Lucien is a lucky boy with a great mom.
BTW: A bonus result of keeping a dedicated asana practice separate from Luca, who’s now 3, is that I’ve been able to teach him yoga during play time. He’s well aware of asana and concepts like ahimsa, finding his breath, etc. He regularly rolls out his own mat to practice — it’s very sweet.
Thanks so much to everyone for your comments. As you’ll see in my next few posts, after that class, I began (slowly, with ups and downs) finding ways to bring yoga back into my life. Many of the things you have all suggested are what helped me too: walks in the park, taking time to go to class without Lucien, doing a pose here or there at home when he was calm and happy, etc. Looking back, I wish I’d been easier on myself in those early weeks. I really needed recovery time but pushed myself to be out and about in the NYC winter. I remember going to a restaurant a couple of days after having Lucien, wearing flip flops in late December b/c my feet were still too swollen for regular shoes!
OMG, I just want to hug you right now!! Yes, I’ve done Mommy and Me classes and YES they were a disaster a lot of the time, especially with my first daughter…..I always felt like a freak, that the other moms looked so together ( they showered!! that should be against the rules!), their babies were so well behaved, what’s wrong with me, what’s wrong with Emma (my daughter), etc. etc. However now that I have two (and A LOT more perspective) I realize that it was all in my head. No one was looking at me, judging me, everyone has been there. Now when I end up in situations like that, I figure I can laugh or cry, and most of the time, I don’t have the energy to cry so laughing just seems easier:)
Go EASY on yourself. Practice your yoga by being kind and compassionate to yourself, and they physical part will come back SO MUCH EASIER. I had a c-section also, and it was my first lesson in realizing that motherhood is the ultiamte teacher in surrender.
Happy Mother’s Day!!!