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Partner Yoga

May 17, 2012

yoga coupleMy favorite partner pose: We sit with legs in V’s, feet touching, arms outstretched and hands clasped. He pulls me towards him and I bend down into a deep forward bend. Then I pull and he reaches toward me.

Give and take. Taking turns. Back and forth.

I can’t imagine parenting without Neil. I have so much admiration for single parents of all stripes who take on the awesome responsibility of child rearing—and providing—on their own. And I know (or hope) I could do it if I had to, but somehow that knowledge, that hope, makes me appreciate what I have all the more.

Neil was in Hong Kong for two weeks for work and life at home was very different without him. The early mornings and the bedtimes were all up to me. As was the responsibility for the hours that come between the two. Thank goodness for our babysitter and for Lucien’s preschool. (Thank goodness for the Charlotte’s Web, Fantasia and The Lion King DVDs I let Lucien watch when I needed a break.) Thank goodness for the restorative yoga poses I fell into the few times I had a spare 10 minutes.

But it’s so good to have my partner back home. To have the time to go to yoga class, to concentrate on my work, to take a shower at night and conk out in front of the television and have a bowl of sauteed greens and rice brought to me on a night when I am all out of energy. To have someone to share the joys (and challenges) of parenting with. To take turns pulling one another forward.

Jessica Berger Gross is the author of enLIGHTened: How I Lost 40 Pounds with a Yoga Mat, Fresh Pineapples, and a Beagle Pointer (Skyhorse). She lives in Vancouver, British Columbia with her husband and four-year-old son. “Like” her author page on Facebook. Follow her on Twitter. Visit her at www.jessicabergergross.com.

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Feel Like A Natural Woman

May 15, 2012

Woman building a birdhouse

What does the word “natural” mean to you?

I grew up eating Doritos and fast food. Blasting the air conditioner and spending Saturdays at the mall.

When I began practicing yoga it was a revelation to me. I wanted to feel that good—as good as I did during yoga class—all the time. And that meant changing my diet (goodbye chips, hello pineapple bowls and tofu stir-fry); my lifestyle (hiking in, days at the mall out) and in any way I could trading the artificial for the natural.

Fast forward a few years and I was trying, desperately, to get pregnant. For years I resisted medical interventions like IVF because getting pregnant “naturally” seemed the only way to go, the only way that fit my sense of self.

(See this Salon essay by Jenny Rough for more on that topic.)

Thank goodness I had a change of heart; and thank goodness for the state of Massachusetts covering fertility treatments, or else Lucien (an IVF baby) wouldn’t be here.

But I have to admit I still struggle with the concept of being “natural.” My C-section. Was that natural or unnatural? On a (ahem) lighter note: How about the gray roots my hairdresser applies henna to every six weeks. (And should I stick to henna or bring out the more chemical products that might work more effectively?)

(See this Yoga Journal essay on embracing the gray by Cyndi Lee.)

I don’t have any answers. For now I’m dying my roots and, of course, I continue to be unspeakably grateful for the miracle of IVF. I’m also opening the windows in the summer, trying to hike more than I shop, make it on my mat every day I can, and hoping to keep Lucien a natural boy in the midst of a very modern world.

Jessica Berger Gross is the author of enLIGHTened: How I Lost 40 Pounds with a Yoga Mat, Fresh Pineapples, and a Beagle Pointer (Skyhorse). She lives in Vancouver, British Columbia with her husband and four-year-old son. “Like” her author page on Facebook. Follow her on Twitter. Visit her at www.jessicabergergross.com.

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Enlightened Mother’s Day

May 10, 2012

My favorite part of writing the Enlightened Motherhood blog for the past two years has been hearing from YJ.com readers—moms, some dads, new yoga practitioners and longtime devotees—from around the world.

We share so many of the same concerns and challenges. It’s hard to find time for ourselves and our yoga practice, but we somehow make time (on good days) because our practice is what keeps us calm and steady and makes us the parents we want to be for our children. Even when we don’t get in a yoga class or a full on home practice, we realize that we can—and do— practice yoga off the mat, in our relationships with our family.

The yoga of letting go. Of breathing. Of standing firm, like a mama mountain. Of coming back, again and again, to the lives and routines which make our kids feel safe and protected.

And then there are the risks we take. The obstacles we overcome. The adventures we sign up for. We want to show our kids the world, or at least the other side of town. We want our children to be compassionate beings, to embody the yamas and niyamas, to stretch their minds and their bodies and become loving, discerning, non-judgemental, healthy, happy, productive, strong, and good, oh so good, people.

We practice these qualities on the mat in our poses. At the dinner table with our conversations. In our gardens with the food we grow. In our beds with the children we cuddle.

Namaste and love to all the enlightened mamas out there. I wish you breakfast in bed, flowers on the kitchen table, an hour on your yoga mat, an afternoon in the park.

 

Jessica Berger Gross is the author of enLIGHTened: How I Lost 40 Pounds with a Yoga Mat, Fresh Pineapples, and a Beagle Pointer (Skyhorse). She lives in Vancouver, British Columbia with her husband and four-year-old son. “Like” her author page on Facebook. Follow her on Twitter. Visit her at www.jessicabergergross.com.

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Avocado Fingers

May 8, 2012

AvocadoAvocado image courtesy of Shutterstock.

 

Babies (many of them, or at least mine) will eat what you give them. Preschoolers have more of a say in the matter.

My 4 year old used to love avocado. Which made me one happy mama when I’d see him eat up all those healthy fats and nutrients.

Then came the dreaded “avocado finger” stage. Lucien decided green fingers were NOT a good thing, and no thank you but he really wouldn’t like to eat his avocado with a fork or spoon.

I tried adding avocado into smoothies, kid-sized burritos, spreading it onto a hummus sandwich. No luck.

For a good two years Lucien was on an avocado strike.

Then I read Bringing Up Bebe by Pamela Druckerman and decided to try the French meal plan.

Breakfast. Lunch. An afternoon snack. Dinner.

And that’s it.

No mid-morning apple crisps or playground rice crackers just because.

It’s amazing how hungry for fruits and vegetables a child who hasn’t been grazing all day can be when he sits down to a meal.

I took Druckerman’s advice and, lately, have been serving a vegetable dish (if you can call avocado slices, or peas and edamame with soy sauce, or sauteed carrots a “dish”) while I prepare Lucien’s main course. (Nothing fancy—pasta with more veggies; a veggie burger patty on half a bun; chick peas, kale and rice; an almond butter and jam sandwich. Even homemade avocado rolls.)

And he’s been eating what I serve! All of it. Even, especially, the avocado.

There’s something yogic, I think, about the idea of coming to the table hungry. Ready to try new things.

Whether your inspired by your healthy-as-can-be yoga teacher, or the Parisian mom serving her children a three-course meal on a weeknight, tell me what you think of this idea: three meals a day, one afternoon snack. And lots of avocado fingers.

Jessica Berger Gross is the author of enLIGHTened: How I Lost 40 Pounds with a Yoga Mat, Fresh Pineapples, and a Beagle Pointer (Skyhorse). She lives in Vancouver, British Columbia with her husband and four-year-old son. “Like” her author page on Facebook. Follow her on Twitter. Visit her at www.jessicabergergross.com.

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On Discipline and Freedom

May 3, 2012

 

Discipline. The word can sound harsh; uncaring. It can remind me of things I don’t want to remember.

When I started practicing yoga, I loved the freedom I felt. In the yoga center, I could let it all hang out. And I did. I’d push through and crank poses out; I’d let my low back take the pressure so that I could thrust myself into a deeper backbend. I’d let the heat of the room take me all the way down into poses I hadn’t really earned yet through practice and patience.

And then, inevitably, I’d hurt myself. A longterm off-and-on sacroiliac issue became my daily teacher and, only by backing off and working smarter and harder on the fundamentals of asana, did I come to realize that true freedom is born from stability.

The same thing happened to me when it came to parenting. I didn’t want to say no. I didn’t want to lay down the rules.

Who needs rules?

Turns out, my 4 year old does.

Last summer we were wrestling with the stroller issue. I wanted Lucien to walk more; he seemed content to ride in the stroller until high school graduation. Our family doctor—a gentle, attentive father of four whom we run into at the farmers’ market—suggested I take a firm stand. That I leave the stroller at home more and more often and get Lucien used to the idea of walking longer distances.

“What do I do if he cries? If he’s on the sidewalk and insists on being picked up and we’re blocks from home?” I asked, bewildered.

“Let him cry,” the doctor answered. “Crying is OK. Eventually, he’ll decide to walk.”

This seemed harsh. Mean. Callous. Or, possibly, perhaps, wise and right-on advice.

One day, months later, we were a few blocks from home without our stroller or wagon. Lucien begged to be carried. I had a bag of groceries in one hand and the dog leash in the other.

I remembered the doctor’s advice. I stood firm. So did Lucien. He cried on the sidewalk for about five minutes. I told him he could do it.  He could find the energy and power his little legs all the way home. He cried some more. And then he brushed the sidewalk off him and started jogging home.

“I did it, Momma!” he shouted with glee when he saw the green and pink of our house in the distance. “All by myself.”

These days, Lucien can walk all the way to and from preschool on his own legs—and I’ve learned how to take care of my body in those backbends.  More, I’ve come to see that discipline, not punishment but rather the conscious setting of rules and boundaries, can be a healthy, supportive way to practice—and to parent.

Jessica Berger Gross is the author of enLIGHTened: How I Lost 40 Pounds with a Yoga Mat, Fresh Pineapples, and a Beagle Pointer (Skyhorse). She lives in Vancouver, British Columbia with her husband and four-year-old son. “Like” her author page on Facebook. Follow her on Twitter. Visit her at www.jessicabergergross.com.

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Medical Asana

April 29, 2012

Woman looking pensive.“This is going to be uncomfortable,” the technician told me. “Very uncomfortable.”

I appreciated her honesty, but felt my body clench upon hearing her words.

“Not painful,” she added.  “Just uncomfortable.”

It was my first mammogram—to Lucien I called it a “mommy-o-gram”—and I had purposefully not gone online to learn more about the exam. I figured ignorance was bliss; and, besides, my husband had been out of town for work for two weeks, I hadn’t had time to research or worry.

But pain makes me nervous. So I started to tense, and worry, and freak out.  And then I got a grip and decided that I would treat the mammogram like a really uncomfortable, unusually awkward yoga pose.

As my breast was compressed into place, the tech asked me to move my shoulder back so she could get a clear shot.

I did, and started to concentrate on my breathing.  Miraculously, it worked. I can stand anything for a minute or two, I told myself. To my surprise, the mammogram was not as bad as I’d imagined. Honestly, I’ve done more challenging yoga poses. So have you.

Then the hard part came. The tech saw something potentially suspicious. She needed more images. The doctor had to be consulted.

We’ve all been there. Those minutes or days or weeks waiting to hear back on medical news.  I started panicking, for real this time. And then, once again, I remembered my yoga training.

I let go. I remained in the present moment. I imagined myself in a mental Savasana.

Lucky for me, I only had to wait five minutes.

“Milk of calcium!” the tech declared, returning to the room.

I let out a breath. Back to normal life. To laundry and writing deadlines and avocado slices and almond butter and barley bread sandwiches.

I’m grateful, immeasurably so, to be OK. And grateful to the practice for getting me through those five minutes.

Jessica Berger Gross is the author of enLIGHTened: How I Lost 40 Pounds with a Yoga Mat, Fresh Pineapples, and a Beagle Pointer (Skyhorse). She lives in Vancouver, British Columbia with her husband and four-year-old son. “Like” her author page on Facebook. Follow her on Twitter. Visit her at www.jessicabergergross.com.

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Child’s Pose

April 26, 2012

 

Child’s pose is the one pose Lucien does most often, most naturally. He curls up and closes off like a turtle or a tortoise. It’s a way to take a rest for a 4 year old who has outgrown his nap; a way to deal with overstimulation; a way to find himself again. It’s not a pose I taught him, but one he seems to have been born with.

The first time I came into Child’s Pose, I remember feeling like I’d come home.

I was older, at one of my first yoga classes. A teenager? In my twenties? I can’t remember the moment but I do remember the feeling. And every time I come back into this pose, I marvel at its ability to help me turn inward.

Now I get to see my child discover the wonders of stillness, the wonders of coming home.

Jessica Berger Gross is the author of enLIGHTened: How I Lost 40 Pounds with a Yoga Mat, Fresh Pineapples, and a Beagle Pointer (Skyhorse). She lives in Vancouver, British Columbia with her husband and four-year-old son. “Like” her author page on Facebook. Follow her on Twitter. Visit her at www.jessicabergergross.com.

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An Offering

April 19, 2012

Lucien hands me a small red felt heart. This is a game of sorts which he made up.

“For you, Momma.” he says.

I hand it back to him.  “I have something for you, too.”  I reply.  The heart, of course.

He takes it, smiles, gives it back to me again.

We do this several times a week, sometimes several times a day. The heart means I love you, and you are the special person in my life, and thank you for being so sweet. It means Namaste, I salute the God within you. It means, I see you.

In my first yoga classes and kirtan sessions in Kathmandu and then at the Jivamutki Yoga Center in New York, the teacher would come in and leave an offering at the altar before class. It could be flowers, sweets, food—this offering is called prasad. The offering is made, and then later on, often distributed to those gathered.

This is what Lucien’s offering me. What, on our best days, we can offer our children and what they can offer us.  This heart, this blessing, this moment of seeing and being seen.

Jessica Berger Gross is the author of enLIGHTened: How I Lost 40 Pounds with a Yoga Mat, Fresh Pineapples, and a Beagle Pointer (Skyhorse). She lives in Vancouver, British Columbia with her husband and four-year-old son. “Like” her author page on Facebook. Follow her on Twitter. Visit her at www.jessicabergergross.com.

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Yoga Sutra for Parents

April 18, 2012

No matter how solid one’s parenting instincts, there are times when even the smallest decisions seem overwhelming. You’re sick, your co-parent is away, you have a work deadline to meet once bedtime comes. But we still need to stick to the household rules. Help!

When in doubt … what would the Yoga Sutra say?

Moderation (brahmacharya): Occasionally, we will skip your bath. Hot chocolate and cookies are a treat, not an every day snack.  On the other hand, movie nights can be a lifesaver. Sleep is essential, for all of us.

Nonviolence (ahimsa): No pushing, hitting, head-butting, kicking or dog tail pulling. Obviously!  (Bring on the hugs, high fives, and “I Love You’s”—nonviolence = LOVE.)

Cleanliness (saucha): Yes, we really do have to brush your teeth twice a day. And wash your face. And wash your hands after bathroom visits. And leave your rain boots in the mud room.

Self-Study (svadhyaya): Little yogi, when you get stressed and feel a freak out session coming on, that means it’s time to look inward—to breathe, pause, get quiet and calm. This goes for parents, too.

How do you apply yoga philosophy to parenting?

Jessica Berger Gross is the author of enLIGHTened: How I Lost 40 Pounds with a Yoga Mat, Fresh Pineapples, and a Beagle Pointer (Skyhorse). She lives in Vancouver, British Columbia with her husband and four-year-old son. “Like” her author page on Facebook. Follow her on Twitter. Visit her at www.jessicabergergross.com.

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Lost and Found

April 17, 2012

In my neighborhood, the loss a mitten or a child’s favorite sweater or sun hat doesn’t last long—9 times out of 10 the missing item will be tied or pinned to a tree or a fence right where it was found. For me, a transplanted New Yorker in BC, I’m always amazed to find what I had lost an hour or a day before, and imagined never seeing again.

As mothers, we sometimes lose ourselves. It’s cliche, but true. We work jobs and juggle family responsibilities, or we are stay at home parents with next to no time to ourselves.

Last weekend I had a visit from a friend of mine who lives out of town. She and I had met in prenatal yoga class in NYC. Back then we went for leisurely post-class lunches—satisfying our cravings for frozen yogurt or sesame seed bagels.  Four plus years later and we each have gone through our share of challenges and joys with motherhood.

As mothers and yogis, as women who try to balance career and family and somehow manage to carve out time for asana practice and self-study, we have lost things and we have found things.  We don’t have the time we once did nor the freedom.  But we have these beautiful children; we have these families.

We (you?) lose “it”—that sense of balance and equilibrium—and, somehow, we manage to make find it again. Over and over.

A meditation in the car before pick-up. A family day at the beach, or in the forest.  Knowing we are making a difference in the world, whether at home or in the office. A 30-minute home practice squeezed in early in the morning or after the children are asleep.

A knit hat nailed to a tree.

Jessica Berger Gross is the author of enLIGHTened: How I Lost 40 Pounds with a Yoga Mat, Fresh Pineapples, and a Beagle Pointer (Skyhorse). She lives in Vancouver, British Columbia with her husband and four-year-old son. “Like” her author page on Facebook. Follow her on Twitter. Visit her at www.jessicabergergross.com.

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