Yoga Journal - Samadhi & the City

Go Tango magazine (now only online) for staying relevant with this article about women getting "happy endings" at mainstream NYC spas--or trying to. In a conniving, sure-to-get-people-fired bit of undercover (or, you know, not) bit of reporting, one woman allegedly convinces a Cornelia Day Spa masseur to take a trip well south of her trapezius.

Fascinating. This seems relevant here because yoga and the healing arts are so connected. And the lines between massage and other kinds of touch really are a bit blurrier than most of us would like to admit. Though the subject of this article clearly sees the line and tramples it. And keeps running and running....

Mostly I'm shocked at the extent to which the story names names--of spas and the masseurs who declined. Serious chutzpah all around. I guarantee this is unleashing an onslaught of chat in the massage world--especially in NYC--where so much work has gone into differentiating sex from massage, therapeutic touch from erotic touch. This is an important, crucial distinction that has allowed millions who need healing touch to get it without fear of anything "unseemly" or unwanted happening. No doubt this will be seen as a step backwards. And maybe it is.

But for the SATC set is this just another step in equality? Bullying (usually) male healers into "going there," in the hopes that one will? Or does the switched gender dynamic make it less annoying (a.k.a. harassing)--i.e., what's a little moaning and unsubtle hinting versus the pup tents that every female massage therapist has been invited to visit in her career?

Or is this stuff even for real? Just as much a fiction as Holly Hunter's dutifully thorough masseur in the film Living Out Loud? I mean, the 10th Street Baths? Ok, maybe not so shocking. But Cornelia? The Great Jones guy who may or may not have offered up himself and his girlfriend after declining advances? Am I that naive, or does this have a whiff of the dairy farm?

What do you think about women soliciting masseurs for sex? Bad for massage, good for women? No big deal? Other?

I'd be especially interested in hearing from men in the healing arts--is this unusual, common, annoying, fun?

Read the happy female ending article or Gawker's highlights of the vivid bits.

Comments

Wow, I can't believe no one has commented on this! I think it's appalling. I'm a yoga teacher, and I'm afraid to start teaching private lessons because you never know what people think they're paying you for. I don't care what the gender is of the person requesting the "happy ending"... it's SO inappropriate...

Posted by: Erica | August 7, 2008 10:33 PM

I am a yoga teacher and a massage therapist. Way back in the beginning of my massage career 12 years ago (I must have given off the inexperienced vibe) I have had men act inappropriately (never women), to which I firmly respond that the behavior is unacceptable and have even ended a session based on their behavior. I find the article from the NY Times appalling in it's encouragement of this behavior. Happy endings for either gender are unprofessional and unethical on the part of the therapist. For those who don't want this behavior to exist (therapist or client), the knowledge that it happens some places dissolves trust and creates vulnerabilities in the therapist/client bond, a bond which is required to allow the deep healing. I am disturbed by the notion that the Times would print an article saying, basically, if you want a happy ending massage you can find it if you just keep seeking. What if the NY Times reporter had to provide a happy ending to their editor in order to get their story published? The reporter has clearly not considered the implications of running such a story.

As a yoga teacher I have never feared that kind of behavior in a personal session- and neither should you, Erica. Simply have firm boundaries that you don't let clients cross. Put your foot down, too, on any behaviors of yours that might even suggest you would add something extra to your personal sessions. And then just teach!

As are many therapists who read that article, I'm going to continue to educate the public about what massage therapy is and how it benefits mind/body/spirit...and I'm going to do the same for yoga...happy endings be damned.

Posted by: Lucinda | August 18, 2008 03:24 PM