I’ve been happily hitched for years now, but not so long ago, meeting potential girlfriends seemed difficult. Not because I was such an awful suitor (I hope), but because as my yoga practice developed, I lost interest in the bar and club scene. It seems like a lot of yogis go through introverted phases like this, which is why I’m glad that longtime yoga practitioner Michael Ellsberg has created a type of singles party that avoids the usual awkward conversation &mdash “so what you do?” &mdash and allows for a potentially more real exchange. It’s called eye-gazing &mdash Elle recently deemed it “New York’s hottest dating trend” &mdash and I attended the second eye-gazing party ever in San Francisco this past Monday.

There were about 50 stylish 20-to-30-somethings milling about the cozy loft on 10th Street near Mission when I arrived. We chatted casually, until Destin Gerek, a tantra teacher, asked the men and women to line up opposite each other while he explained the process. “Don’t worry,” he assured us, “you can blink &mdash it’s not a staring contest.” Other advice included choosing an eye to look into (trying to do both makes you cross-eyed), and refraining from those seductive eyebrow raises, which can be intimidating.

During the next hour &mdash including a break &mdash we sat cross-legged and spent two minutes each silently gazing into the eyes of 14 different people, an activity Ellsberg calls “meditation in relation”. The most interesting part of the experience was seeing how different each person’s gaze felt &mdash some were warm, others playful, and others more reserved. Afterward, I chatted with the other participants, and everyone reported similar stories: they’d felt strong connections with a few people, but not necessarily the people they’d thought they’d be attracted to at the start of the evening. “And that’s the cool thing about eye-gazing,” Ellsberg says, “you end up realizing that real chemistry is more than skin deep.”
The first two San Francisco eye-gazing parties have been so successful, Ellsberge says there will be at least one per month from now on. I’d recommend the experience to anyone. If eyes really are the windows to the soul, you never know who you’ll meet.